Captain's Log: Stardate 10184.3
Last night, an Enterprise landing party led by myself beamed into an uncharted area of the planet Brooklyn, known by the local inhabitants as "Casa del Tune." It was a strange area, where people watch scrambled cable television on computer monitors, baseball teams win records for being the losingest team in World Series game history, and there’s not a hint of a non-alcoholic drink anywhere -- clearly this was a common destination for USS Frolic.

However, as it is part of our mission to learn about new cultures, we began to study the actions of those around us. We witnessed a rare ritual ceremony of a crew buying gear and sails for the captain – deeply touching, yet I wonder if the check will bounce. I witnessed Martin Tune dance to salsa music and Lt. Weinstock’s sister, Donna, control a television remote from between her legs – although something tells me it’s not the first time Donna has controlled something from between her legs.

During the ceremony, Lt. Heald commented that her butt was too big for the arm of the chair she was trying to sit on, but then wanted to know what boats were going to compete in the “Turkey Shoot” (Um, that’s the “Turkey Day Reach”, Laura. They just sail. No turkeys will be harmed during the regatta.) Nevertheless, I will see if I can get her a spot on USS Sonshine, that is, if her butt’s not too big for a 30-foot sailboat.

Lt. vonRoeschlaub didn’t make it to the surface, despite promises that he would. I understand that plans are being made for the First Annual Boatless Regatta, using New York City bars as rounding marks. I’m confident that members of the Enterprise crew will want to compete.