Captain’s Log: Supplemental
Today, I wrote the check (ouch) and send in our entry for the 2002 Around Long Island Regatta. The following is a list of Enterprise officers that are expected to be on board:

Captain Edd Schillay
Captain Richard Schillay
Lt. Commander Dave Beaver
Lt. Commander Jory Stark
Lieutenant Kurt vonRoeschlaub
Lieutenant Laura “Babe” Heald
Ensign Lefty Zagoreos
Ensign Patty McKee
Captain Ernie Bivona (formerly of USS Eagle)

That is nine total, but I expect someone to drop out as we get closer to the date of the race, leaving us with eight, perfect for this long voyage into the final frontier. (Nine works too, with six on deck and 3 down at any given time.)

Captain’s Log: Stardate 10248.8
Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t the severe thunderstorms in the area that cancelled last night’s race, but the absence of wind once the storms cleared. The storms were like none I had ever encountered though, with dangerous lightning bolts like massive phaser fire attacking the fleet. Damaged, but not destroyed, was the USS Robin’s Nest, which will be off of active duty for a least a couple of weeks.

The crew came aboard and never left the spacedock, knowing full well the night will be a non-event. Richard worked on the navigation systems, Deb quickly beamed off the ship to join a dinner engagement, and the rest of us sat, drank beer, and discussed Kurt’s ties to lesbian Druid weddings (Funny, she didn’t look Druish), Patty’s love life as it relates to fishing, and how we are all going to refer to ourselves in the third person next week while Lefty is going for a drive somewhere with her new learner’s permit (despite what she says, we all believe she’s 16.)

After beaming off the ship, Richard had to go somewhere (a mystery), Jory had a stomach ache (what stomach?) and Brad had to get back home to Jonathan (Jonathan who?). The remaining seven of us formed a landing party and went to Rhodes, where we enjoyed some great food and tried to figure out exactly what Canadians do with bottles of beer between their breasts (and the conversation spiraled downward from there.)

Before leaving, speculation began on who would be who if we were on the television series Cheers. It was agreed that I’d be Sam, Dave would be Norm, Patty is Carla, Laura is Diane, Lefty is Rebecca, Mitch would be Frasier and Kurt would be Cliff Clavin.

Then, we wondered about Gilligan’s Island. In that scenario, I’d be the skipper, Dave is the professor, Lefty is Mary Ann, Laura is Ginger, Patty is Mrs. Howell, Mitch is Mr. Howell and Kurt would be Cliff Clavin.

Shuttlecraft Log Entry: Stardate Supplemental
Shuttelcraft Laura (NCC-1701-A/2)
Lt. Commander Jory Stark Reporting


After the departure of both captains, I believe a log entry about the trip home by the remaining crew members (Lt. Heald, Ensign McKee, Ensign Zagoreos and myself) was in order: Lt. Heald, being under the influence of too much alcohol in too little time, relinquished control of the shuttle to me, the senior officer in attendance. After some initial difficulties (The clutch didn't operate as smoothly as I was used to, and I stalled out more in the first two minutes than I have in the last 10 years.), we set out on our return journey.

As dedicated members of Starfllet, we naturally took the opportunity to explore new planets and civilizations. "What's that on the right," one of the crew asked as we headed south on the Deegan.

"Manhattan," I replied. Interest in seeing this part of the galaxy being high, we headed for the Willis Avenue Bridge and a closer look. Before we could exit though, the commander of a passing Romulan shuttle yelled out something about our lights. It turned out that Shuttlecraft Laura required three turns of the illumination apparatus to be fully activated, and we had been operating with just the parking lights, a handicap made insignificant by an SOB in an SUV, who came behind us and used his high beams to light the galaxy ahead of us.

Our lights now fully operational, we crawled through Manhattan, crossed into Queens, and headed for the BQE. Unfortunately, due to the unwillingness of intergalactic intelligence agencies to share information, we were not notified that access to our intended entrance was prohibited. Reacting quickly, I turned down a desolate street.
"Jory, not down here," a frantic female voice screamed. "You're going to get us killed."
"Roll up the windows."

I am pleased to report that my three passengers came away from this sector with their honor as intact as it was when our odyssey began. The remainder of the trip was uneventful, and I would like to compliment Laura for showing more tolerance towards me than she did to the operators of all the other vehicles we encountered.

Captain’s Log: Stardate 10247.9
Yesterday, several members of the Enterprise crew joined me on a landing party to the planet of Yonkers (pronounced “Yahnkerz” by local inhabitants) the homeworld of our very own Lt. Commander Dave Beaver.

Dave fired up the barbecue, passed out the drinks, and we enjoyed a pleasant summer afternoon retelling our past adventures and effectively terrorizing Lefty about sailing in the Around Long Island.

Richard, fresh from doing some maintenance on board the ship the day before, mentioned how impressed he was that Laura took the conn of the Enterprise and effectively piloted the ship through the sector. Solar radiation was at its strongest for the year, and, although the Enterprise is fine, Lt. Heald did suffer some radiation burns on her back and legs. The crew could not help giving her a pat on the back for a job well done.

Back to the barbecue…

First came the hamBORGers, delightfully marinated with hot sauce and Dave’s special seasoning that made assimilating them a breeze. Then, the hot dogs were put on, two of which had to be burnt as if they sent a week inside a warp core with malfunctioning coolant valves before Richard would eat them. Finally the steak, marinated by Laura (whom when asked if she would like onions on her steak, she replied that she likes straight meat. We know, Laur. But would you like onions on your steak?)

As future officer Cadet Dave Beaver, Jr. jumped around, the crew thoroughly enjoyed watching Dave, his wife Karen and Ensign Patty try to keep up – but the trainee wore out them all. He’ll make a good foredeck officer one day.

Left and Laura handed out desserts: a cheesecake filling in a graham cracker crust topped with blueberries and strawberries. Much as it was with the burgers, resistance was futile.

Captain’s Log: Stardate 10246.8
The conditions were close to perfect last night (cool, 5-10 knots of breeze) as the crew of the Enterprise went forth to compete in Race 6 of the Wednesday Night Race Series. We powered out to the starting area as Laura couldn’t effectively describe the difference between “good touch, bad touch,” Lefty worried endlessly about the dolphins we killed with excess diesel fuel and true love blossomed on the foredeck (?).

Not able to make it were Ensign Brad Nassau, Lt. Kurt vonRoeschlaub (whose excellent tailoring – or seamstressing - skills couldn’t do a thing for his daughter’s collarbone) and Lt. Deb Weinstock (who was attempting to use Aussie transporter technology to get to Paris.)

We put the sails up and Dave gave Patty and Mitch some training in genoa tacking. Is it me, or did Patty want to lose a finger? Down to six minutes to our start, we resumed our normal positions and gave it our “all.”

The start was perfect and, in no time, we had Rob Scancarelli of the Klingon Battleship “This Is It” (In Klingon: "FuQ’yn UhgLhi") sucking on our bad wind, forcing him to tack, to which we covered him endlessly, sending him further and further behind. We reached the first windward mark in first place, had a perfect spinnaker set, and never let a boat pass us after that.

I’m extraordinarily proud at the fine spinnaker work by the crew as the Enterprise performed two sets, two jibes and two take-downs in almost-textbook fashion.

Special note to Captain Jeff Ohstrom of USS Frolic: It’s very possible Mitch can handle a guy better than Deb can. He was always on top of it, hands always working and staying in complete control to ensure maximum benefit. You may want to rethink things.

Enterprise crossed the finish line first and placed second (with the Klingon scout “Desperado”, in Klingon: “WhinBi Rayt’Ng”, finishing Thursday morning and correcting over us.)

Plans are being put into motion for the Enterprise to compete in this year’s Around Long Island Regatta, running July 25, 26 and 27. Who is definitely in?

Captain’s Log: Stardate 10244.9
Torrential downpours followed by an almost non-existent breeze led to the cancellation of last night’s race, even though the complete crew of the Enterprise was out in full force (Jonathan, it’s been fun, but you are the Weakest Link… Goodbye.)

After sitting on the mooring drinking beer, discussing Lefty’s need for kneepads, evaluating Laura’s fascination with Cher and watching Dave, Brad and Richard try to catch their own sushi, we called it a night and headed back to the clubhouse to try and empty the kitchen’s supply of fish and chips.

After dinner, the crew surprised me with a birthday cake (it was Lefty’s birthday too) in the shape of, you guessed it, a butt. Unlike the cake from last year’s Around Long Island, which was concave with Richard’s butt print, this one was convex and shaped with a smaller, younger ass. Even the leg and breast men of the crew could not look away. We all dug in.

Most noticeably: Laura took a big piece of ass, as if she hasn’t had one in ages. Lefty grabbed a piece of ass while her boyfriend slept at home. Dave got himself a nice piece of ass a week after Karen’s birthday. Not only did Richard grab some ass while Marcy was at home, but he helped pay for it. Kurt enjoyed a tasty piece of ass while his wife was in Boston, but then, in pure guilt, tried to call her on my communicator. Deb shared her piece of ass with Carol Weis, and Jeff didn’t seem to mind at all.

Speaking of Jeff, the USS Frolic managed to get a few shots of phaser fire in while we were in spacedock, weapons discharged and shields were down (Are they afraid to attack when we’re prepared?) We immediately went to red alert and returned some fire. Lt. Laura “Don’t Call Me Tasha” Heald thought fast and fired ice asteroids at the attacking starship, not only targeting their bridge, but the commander himself. A direct hit between the eyes caused Frolic to withdraw and seek band-aids for its wounded captain.

What a great night!

Captain’s Log: Stardate 10243.0
Last night, strong winds and threats of dangerous weather may have kept other starships (Frolic) from racing, but the intrepid crew of the Starship Enterprise was out in full force (sans one Jersey-ite, a lawyer, and a out-of-work artist fresh out of excuses) as we tempted fate and hoped that the massive storm over Pennsylvania would slow its pace as it headed towards our quadrant of the galaxy.

Before the start we were undecided as to whether to go with the #1 or #2 as some boats were running with reefs and others with full sails. Dave’s “C’mon. You only live once” attitude won out and we chose the #1 (as Lefty was complaining that Kurt’s “thingy” was in her face – draw your own conclusions on that one.)

The upwind legs went well, as Lt. Kurt did a great job of easing the traveler (under Richard’s guidance) when the Enterprise became overpowered. Fast tacks to avoid collisions prevailed and the ship led the race to the upwind mark.

The spinnaker set was well-executed despite the lack of preparation time and the fact that this would be our first spinnaker set in these wind conditions. Lt. Commanders Dave Beaver and Jory Stark handled the foredeck with expertise, anticipating problems and making corrections as did Ensign Mitch Nochlin handling the guy on the bridge. As the wind increased, the ship started to roll and I could see that the spinnaker was moments away from a warp core breach. Luckily, we were close enough to the leeward mark and my order to raise the genoa to blanket the spinnaker was followed quickly. Warp core breech averted. Now we turned back upwind as Ensigns Lefty, Patty and Lt. Laura (sporting a new homemade uniform) packed the chute for another downwind leg.

The next upwind leg went even better as we hugged the right-hand side of the course and mounted our EZ-Pass for the Throgs Neck Bridge tolls (we were pretty close.) Rounding the upwind mark again in first place (just ahead of the Klingon warriors Scancarelli and Collucci) we set the spinnaker again for our last downwind leg. The Enterprise began to roll earlier this time around and a random gust of wind from the side pushed the spinnaker back towards the ship, causing it to wrap around the forestay. Under lighter conditions, we may have been able to repair the situation, but I decided it was better (and safer – and slower) to douse the malfunctioning chute and finish the race wing-on-wing. It cost us position, but we still managed to do pretty well.

On a final note: Because of lack of crew availability, the Enterprise will not be competing in this weekend’s City Island Cup. We will now begin planning for the 2002 Around Long Island Regatta and some other weekend series including when Lt. Laura Heald takes the conn for the Women Skippers Race (and on a related note, my law firm does prepare wills.)