Captain’s Log: Stardate 10252.6
Last night was one of the more exciting Wednesday Nights in recent memory. Initial strong winds and a boom vang failure kept the crew on edge and ready for action.

Missing from the mission were Lt. Deb Weinstock, who felt a little sick/nauseous in the morning (draw your own conclusions there – but Jeff was last seen purchasing a single one-way ticket out of the country) and Ensign Brad Nassau, who would rather spend his time rehearsing to become a lesbian mister (or was that thespian master? We’ll know for sure when his performance debuts.)

Aside from the usual suspects (three of whom were terribly late – and we wonder what they did for Joe to get him to drive the launch out that far – he was smiling) we had a last-minute replacement, Cadet Andy. Andy worked hard, was on time, and gave the mission 100%. It’s a shame he won’t be around for the whole season.

The upwind leg went very well and our spinnaker run was flawless, thanks to the exceptional work by Dave, Jory, Mitch and Laura. The helm was a bit of a challenge to keep the ship from oscillating into a death roll, but their fine work made all the difference. Turning back upwind, in third place, we decided on a sail change to increase power. What will probably go down in history as the worst sail change ever (not in the track, not all the way up, tack not fastened, etc.) our frequent tacks to fix the problem turned into a tactically superior maneuver. We somehow passed the two boats ahead of us and crossed the line first. I’m sure Lt. Commander Dave Beaver will claim that he assessed the situation tactically, and caused the sail change screw-up on purpose, knowing that it would gain ground against our competitors – and we’ll never know if a perfect sail change would have given us the same advantage.

We returned to starbase afterwards, where Patty mooched French fries, Kurt almost fell asleep at the table, and Lefty told us stories of her boyfriend Aran’s “cute hairy shaft” (made of wood, no less), how she used to throw clothes at him when she was angry, and he would put them on. Dave and I concluded that Aran must weight 65 pounds, likes wearing women’s clothing and has a scary pubic hair problem. (of course, that information wouldn’t normally make the log, but Lefty did let us know that Aran does read it.)