Captain’s Log: Stardate 10262.2
One would have thought with skyrocketing summer temperatures and solar radiation news alerts that conditions for last night’s race would have been hot, humid and dead winds.

Far from it. In 15 to 20 mph breezes (with gusts well over 20,) the Enterprise was in for a fast-paced night. Achieving well over Warp 5 on the main alone, we went with the smaller headsail and prepared for our start, knowing full-well I had to make up for last week’s disaster. I timed things out and made a long, fast drive for the line. The USS Frolic saw our approach and tried to tack underneath us, in an effort to gain advantage and push us over the line early – but seeing his tactic, I used the Enterprise’s speed and maneuvered the ship below him, pushing Frolic up and possibly over the line early. Frolic slowed and we crossed the line in first place.

The crew did an amazing job in very strong conditions. As we approached the first mark, despite the strong winds, we launched the spinnaker in what was our best set yet. The Enterprise accelerated and we never dropped below Warp 7. The takedown had to be a fast one, and during the clean-up, Lt. Commander Dave Beaver lost his hold of the spinnaker halyard, to which all he could say was “Oh shit.” The halyard went past Patty’s face and soared outward and upward as if it had its own Warp Drive.

We attempted to reach for it during tacks, but the high winds kept it aloft. We were doomed to a wing-on-wing downwind leg with a small headsail – and even though we were averaging Warp 5.2, and performed a well-executed jibe, it cost us position. We finished the race in fifth.

On our way in, we strapped Patty into the boson’s chair, which seemed to be ten sizes too big. After establishing orbit, we sent her upwards to try and restore our systems. The halyard, during our tacks and downwind leg, wrapped itself around the top of the mast and wouldn’t budge. We decided this would have to be fixed during daylight hours and then pondered whether or not to tie things off and leave Patty up there – and despite Laura’s pleadings, we brought her down.

Back in the clubhouse, we were teased by the club stewards with a promise of meatball parm heroes, tried to collect $1.00 for the viewing of race results and the catch phrase for the evening was “Mount the Penis” (words that Jory will not soon forget.)

It was probably the most exciting night of the season. Speaking of which, there are now only six races left in the Wednesday night series, the last of which we are scheduled to perform Race Committee duty. I’d like the crew to plan now for the One-Handed Race (a fun race) on September 21 and the Fall Series on October 5th and 6th.

Finally, both myself and the rest of the crew of the Starship Enterprise wish Dave the best of luck in his attempt to create a second life form with his wife Karen. We could be looking at a “next generation” of crew over the next several years. Just work hard, Dave. You’re approaching the outer edge of AMOC, Star Fleet’s “Allowable Months of Conception.”