Captain’s Log: Stardate 10266.0
Last night gave us the “Countdown to Catastrophe” – and unfortunately, I’m not talking about some WWF event. It was: 3 spinnaker sets, 2 hourglasses, and all on 1 downwind leg. Usually, as captain, I take full responsibility for the conduct of my crew, but this time, in all honesty, it was all Laura’s fault. She wasn’t there.

The absence of Laura (and Mitch too) forced me to relinquish the conn to Richard (who kept us in bad air for half of the first leg and wanted to round the starting pin as a leeward mark.) Deb went on to handle the guy, and it clearly appeared she wasn’t out of practice (maybe that’s why Jeff is always smiling.) I mounted the spinnaker (not the penis, Jory – that’s your job.) and went on to handle spinnaker trim.

Oh yes. And Brad was missing, but then again, when is he not? (I think Brad is staying away because of his unpaid bar bill at the club.)

We crossed the finish line a half minute behind Frolic, and on corrected time, we should finish a week from Friday. As Jory said, we’ve had a lot of forgetful races this season. There are now only three left (as we’ll be doing race committee on the fourth.)

After hanging out on the mooring for a bit discussing Richard’s upcoming bachelor party and eating tortilla chips, we headed inside for a meal and to give Patty tips on how to get a guy (The full list will be available soon, but it does include alcohol, Viagra, slutty clothes and a tranquilizer gun capable of knocking down a medium-sized gorilla.) Patty demonstrated her “come hither” look, which pretty much ended the meal and cleared the table.

Before leaving, I met up with the captain and crew of USS Frolic, where we discussed the upcoming One-Handed Race, the Boatless Regatta, and a possible second Boatless Regatta in Atlantic City during the boat show. Also discussed was Martin Tune’s first day of command of the Frolic, which led to a mutiny attempt being held off at knifepoint.

One last note: One of the crew of Desperado wanted to know why their ship was designated as a Klingon ship and not another species. The answer is, quite simply, because Tommy Colucci is a Klingon. Here’s proof:

This is a photograph of Kor, a Klingon commander who was pitted against another Enterprise captain, James T. Kirk, while on a mission to the planet Organia (Star Trek: The Original Series – Episode 27: Errand of Mercy.) Those of you who have seen Tommy can not deny the resemblance.