Captain’s Log: Stardate 10271.8
Last night marked the triumphant return of Ensign Lefty and the crew of the Enterprise was treated to a very nice blow (I mean wind! Sheesh, guys. Get your mind out of the gutter, will ya?) Weather predictions called for the winds to be light and variable, but we now realize that they must have been referring to Richard and Brad’s participation this year. Instead, we had a pleasant 10mph breeze, capped off with a beautiful sunset and a full moon to light our way through the final frontier.

We started the race in first place and never once had a boat pass us. Was it because we wanted to go out with a bang? Was Lefty trashed on Greek whiskey? Was Richard trying to move back up in rank? The Enterprise corrected into second place, making our final Wednesday night racing the best performance for the season (next week, we’ll be doing Race Committee and sending Desperado to round Block Island.)

Once back at the mooring and establishing orbit, Lefty passed around shots of Greek whiskey (not only will it put hair on your chest, it’ll cover the back, arms, legs, and even a Canadian-flag-tattooed butt or two.) Plans were made for this Saturday’s One-Handed Regatta which includes the use of our shuttlecraft (Galileo), mixed drinks, and a whole lot of fun. Once concluded, Lieutenant Laura and Ensign Patty will pilot Galileo and race against Frolic’s shuttlecraft, the Kegger.

Unfortunately, the six-foot penis will not be making an appearance this weekend, because, strangely enough, Laura has lost it. We’re not quite sure how someone can actually lose a six-foot penis, but she maintains that it is missing. Ensign Patty (Laura’s roommate) was very quiet on the subject and for some strange reason, could not stop smiling last night. (Laura, check under Patty’s bed.)

Making an appearance, however, will be Pam, Mitch’s wife (It looks like she actually does exist.) Mitch has asked that we try to be on our best behavior, which I doubt is possible for us, but…

…maybe just enough so he doesn’t end up losing his penis.