Captain’s Log: Stardate 10272.6
Yesterday was a picture-perfect day in western Long Island Sound; Partly cloudy skies, a pleasant southerly breeze, sailboats throughout the area, and all alone, floating on the water, making it’s way north from Little Neck Bay, a six-foot, fully-erect, inflatable penis.

It’s just another Saturday on board the Starship Enterprise.

The Enterprise, with most of her crew on board, boldly entered the One-Handed Race, a one-sail-only regatta where the primary rule is that you must have a drink in one-hand at all times. In tow behind, our shuttlecraft Galileo, which was manned (or is that womanned?) by Ensign Patty, was also ready for the challenges ahead.

Also in the race were the starships Rubiyat, Frolic, Eagle, and a few others. Frolic also had her shuttle in tow (the Kegger), as did the Eagle (an inflatable, named the Insurance Claim.)

About half way into the race, Frolic was towing Galileo and Rubiyat was towing the Kegger (there’s a dingy-swapping rule) and that’s just about when everything went wrong. Frolic lost it’s hold on Galileo and we engaged warp drive to rescue it and our crewperson (who may have been running low on drinks.) Once we had a good hold of Galileo, Ensign Patty thought her hat was getting too wet and decided to throw it in the water (yes, it really happened that way.) Valuing her hat more than the safety of the shuttle or her own life, Patty jumped off of Galileo and dove for the hat. She climbed back on Galileo with her hat, but ended up swamping the small shuttle in the process. During her attempts to regain control, she fell overboard again. We went to red alert and began rescue operations in order of importance: Galileo first and then Patty.

As we got Galileo on board the ship, Patty was seen floating along in her life jacket and perhaps even swimming towards the 19-year-old studs manning the Kings Pointer. We decided to save her from being rescued by a boatload of cadets in their sexual prime and having to endure endless stints of 20-second lovemaking and got her back on board the Enterprise. As with any daring rescue operation, we suffered some losses: the bucket that was being used to bail Galileo and the Enterprise’s boarding ladder (something that we were looking to replace anyway.)

We then finished the race (not in last either) and rafted up with the other starships for drinks, food, halyard jumping, boom jumping and sort of weird boom humping that’s best left to the imagination than to be explained here.

Both Laura and Dave went swimming in the 76-degree water, and once fully soaked, Laura wanted to be sure to hug everyone. Perhaps if the water was colder…

We returned the mooring and established orbit long after sunset and straightened up for future active duty. All in all, it would be hard to imagine a better time.