Captain’s Log: Stardate 10353.4
Commander Dave, while on a mission to see whether man had evolved from higher-educated beings or from turd-tossing apes has proven the latter in a move that is worthy of the Darwin award (but, unlike other Darwin recipients, he survived.)

It seems Dave was in his yard and decided to cut down a pine tree. Given his background in business, computer programming and sailing, any idiot could see that this was a good idea (smart people would think it’s crazy, but any idiot would think it’s a good idea.)

Not taking into consideration the factors of wind velocity, sharpness of pine tree limbs or the acceleration of a body falling towards Earth, Dave’s tree-trimming skills don’t look to be a good option for future work. A part of the tree that Dave had cut caught the breeze and fell towards him, taking both it and Dave out of the tree in a most unexpected manner.

I will spare you from most of the gory details (as told to me by his wife Karen,) but after many stitches and Dave’s ear being sliced in a way that will make that Verizon guy’s “Can you hear me now?” fall on deaf ears, Dave will be missing this Wednesday’s race.

I spoke with Dave this afternoon who said it will be good for the ship to go on a mission without him. As much as I agreed, I stated that this was not the manner in which to go about it. Nevertheless, a part of me now believes that he made this noble sacrifice for the good of the ship and therefore it should be noted in my log accordingly. Such dedication. In fact, now I wonder how many other Enterprise officers would fall out of a tree and subject themselves to a loss of blood and plastic surgery for the good of the ship. (Sorry Jory, that cut you got on your knee two weeks ago during the spinnaker take-down just doesn’t cut it anymore.)

In all seriousness, he is fine, and I predict that he will receive far more damage when his wife gets through with him and after taking several rounds of verbal abuse from the Enterprise crew next week when he returns.

Meanwhile, we will endeavor to win without him. Get better fast, Dave.