Captain’s Log: Stardate 10370.7
Chances are Isabel is going to give us one hell of a bad blow job.

Latest advisories are projecting that Isabel, an extremely dangerous Category 4 hurricane, will hit the Eastern US Coast and could very possibly strike New Jersey, Long Island, Coastal New York and Southwestern New England.

I have called for a Yellow Alert and tonight I will beam over to the ship to take the warp drive offline (remove the sails) and divert power to orbital stabilizers (strengthen the mooring line.)

Predictions call for 20-25 foot waves in the ocean (Around LI anyone?) and we could see wind strengths of up to 140 mph or more.

Hopefully, the storm will track away from the area, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. Let’s face it, I want to do some fall races and, honestly, I can’t afford an Enterprise-B right now.

Hopefully after reading this log entry, the crew will stock up on batteries, candles and some bottled water. I would imagine Commander Richard will have his hands full in New Jersey keeping Starbase Two secure.

Be safe, everyone.

Captain’s Log: Stardate 10369.6
Last night marked the end of this year’s Wednesday Night Race Series, and, in what seemed to be this year’s theme, the race was canceled for lack of wind. The good news, however, is that this cancellation cemented the standings and kept the Enterprise in 2nd place for the season. Congratulations to the crew on a job well done.

Although we do plan on racing in a few fall regattas, I thought now would be the best time to look back on some of the highlights:
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Dave: “How many kids do you have?”
Hilde: “Four”
Dave: “Four? What were you thinking?”
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The Laser / Silver Pants Incident
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Dave: “Release the lazy sheet!”
Edd: “Release the lazy sheet!”
Richard: “Release the lazy sheet!”
Edd slaps the lazy sheet out of Rich’s hand.
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The Saga of Fat Free Potato Chips, Rogaine and Kurt’s Mother
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Patty: “I think my father gave it to me.”
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Tune-Spooge
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Edd: “Who’s that behind us?”
Jory: “Tolo and Exuberance.”
Edd: “Didn’t they go spinnaker?”
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Decisions, decisions, decisions….
“Maybe we should change sails.” (15 knots of breeze)
“Get the 135 on the deck.” (20 knots of breeze)
“Get that sail down NOW!” (45 knots of breeze)
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Last night’s conversation:
Edd: “Congratulations on your win. A well-sailed season.”
Charlie Malloy: “Thanks. Not bad for a gay Klingon.”
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Mitch: “Is it only raining on the upwind legs?”
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The secret to successful sailing: Forget wind. Forget current. Play the barges.
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Rich: “You can go further.”
Edd: “When I can see what television show they’re watching inside the house, I tack.”
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June’s Kidney Stone: The Asteroid Has Cleared the Wormhole
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Lefty: “Head up or head down!”
Surcease Captain: “She scared the shit out of me.”
(Later on in the club) Edd: “Sorry. She scares us sometimes too.”
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Patty: “How am I supposed to know where North is?”
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Mitch: “That does not look like the girl from Surcease. I know the girl from Surcease.”
Edd: “What’s her name?”
Mitch: “I don’t know.”
Rich: “Know that tattoo on her thigh?”
Mitch: “Are your binoculars better than mine?”
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Turbo Jetta (think “Racing on Eagle”)
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Patty Stark: “Yeah, well, watch out for Eagle in the Fall.”
Edd: “Funny, my crew says the same thing. But I don’t think it has the same meaning.”
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Thanks, guys, for another great year of Wednesday Night Sailing.

Captain’s Log: Stardate 10367.7
To be honest, we were expecting a wet and cold, cold night, but the rain held off to a light drizzle and the temperature turned out to be quite comfortable for our second-to-last Wednesday Night race of the season.

It’s hard to believe another season is drawing to a close, but we can all take comfort in knowing it’s usually during the fall racing when things are more crazed, the boat broaches and the crew gets enough black and blue regions to provide a visual reminder of the sailing season through half the winter.

Last night we had a great start, but as it usually is for the Enterprise in light winds, we were slow to accelerate coming out of each tack. Thankfully, the gay Klingon ship, Neverland Express, was even slower in tacking and seemed to be looking for the parts on the water without wind. In fact, as I left the club last night, the captain of Neverland said “Hey, Captain Kirk! You found the wind tonight.”

There is one ship in Star Fleet, however, that does perform really well in light wind, most likely because it weighs about as much as Lefty. The USS Ear-Cheese finished about 8 minutes or so behind us, but that was good enough to finish ahead on corrected time.

Now here’s the bad news: We are still in second place overall, both with and without throwouts. With throwouts, however, we are 1/1000th of a point ahead of Surcease. That’s it. It all comes down to Race 18. If there’s no race, we win. If there’s a race and Surcease doesn’t show, we win (we’ll go for a pleasure cruise – Risa anyone?) If only Surcease shows, we win (again, with a pleasure cruise and there’ll be no race.) However, if Surcease and one other boat races, we MUST beat Surcease.

Here are some ideas: 1. Put Lefty on the bow. They may drop out of the race because of fear. -or- 2. Sacrifice a virgin to the Wind Gods and get 10-15 knots of breeze at the start and then have it drop to 3 knots as we finish. Problem is; where does one find a virgin in the Bronx? I suppose Tune could have been an option, but Patty ruined that. Thanks, Patty.

Anyway, our spinnaker set was close to perfect last night, and we performed several well-executed jibes. That is, all except the last one, where it seems that both Commander Richard and Lieutenant Kurt were caught in some sort of temporal slipstream anomaly that sent them briefly to another place and time. Personally, I think Kurt was calculating how much time we would have to beat Neverland by if the crew of Neverland was eating potato chips that caused anal leakage, while Richard was wondering why his cell phone wasn’t ringing.

Lieutenant Mitch, who drove his cahr bahk from Cape Cahd with his wife Pahm, did a great job of spinnaker trim, and the bow team of Commander Dave and Lt. Commander Jory did such a great job that they should, well, take a bow.

I’ll calculate where everyone stands with throwouts over the weekend and project where we need to be next week for our final Wednesday night of the season (Lefty, that means that after next week, we’re not going to be racing on Wednesday nights.) By the way, get your VCRs ready: “Enterprise” Season 3 kicks off next week on UPN.