Captain’s Log: Stardate 10394.0
This past weekend, the crew beamed down to Stuyvesant Yacht Club for the Annual EBYRA Awards Dinner, where the Enterprise was to receive two awards (2nd Place in the Wednesday Night Race Series and 3rd Place in the Fall Series.)

As Commodore of EBYRA, I was also the host for the evening and, at the request from the EBYRA Board for a young attractive female hostess to hand out the trophies and kiss award-winners, I offered up, in a very pimp-like manner, our own Ensign Lefty.

Lefty was very interested in performing this service and I imagine she spent the week prior practicing her Vanna White technique. She did state early on, however, that she’s, and I am quoting this, “not going to kiss any old balls.”

Of course, this led to two questions, both equally disturbing: 1. What type of awards ceremonies has Lefty attended where the hostess kisses the recipient’s balls? -and- 2. If Lefty was under the impression that kissing balls was part of the ceremony, why was she willing to do the service (at least to the young ones?)

There’s always: 3. If an 80 year-old man gets a genital transplant three years ago, would that still constitute old balls?

Instead, we all pondered just how many days would it take at Warp 5 to reach Lefty’s World.

The awards ceremony was a hit, despite the ongoing bets of which was going to flare up first, the plants on the table or the over-modulated PA speakers.

The big no-show for the evening was, no surprise, Commander Richard, who decided that saving a few bucks on a flight to France was more important than seeing his friends and crewmates or spending a little quality time with his son. We’re not hoping for engine failure or anything, but some stomach cramps from eating some bad brie could be in order. Maybe Commander Dave summed it up best when he said “Richard who?”

It was great to see everyone again and it looks like our next gathering will be a smash. We already have firm confirmations from Commander Jory, Lt. Patty, Ensign Lefty with a strong possibility from Commander Dave, Commander Richard and Ensign Hilde. Lt. Kurt can’t get permission from his wife to go (he won’t even ask) and Lt. Mitch wants to make sure there’s no conflict with Martin Luther King Day (because he claims that at least part of him is Black.)