Captain’s Log: Stardate 10405.2
Over the course of history in Starfleet, there have been several conflicts of note involving starships that carry the Enterprise name. Among them are the cat-and-mouse fight against a cloaked Romulan Warbird, The Wrath of Khan, and the Borg attack at Wolf 359. None of them, however, seem to compare to the incidents that transpired over the past weekend during the “Battle for the Bedroom.”

Arriving first to Starbase Two, Commander Richard violated orders and promised the upstairs bedroom to Ensign Lefty and Lieutenant Patty. We had already known that the two of them were going to sleep together, but expected them to be in another room – wasting several man hours of setting up hidden video and audio equipment.

Commanders Jory and Dave, now being placed on the main floor, decided to wait until the most opportune moment to launch a strike against the women; late at night, while their defenses were down. The strike was swift and the element of surprise was on their side. In no time, curses were flying as were clothes down the stairs. Running, kicking, and screaming ensued.

Richard slept through it all.

At one point, I was asked to get involved and order the men to stop, but I knew things would resolve on their own and besides, South Park was coming on soon.

In a bold tactical move, Ensign Lefty threatened to place one of her bras in Commander Dave’s bag, so that upon returning home, Dave would have some explaining to do to Admiral Karen – a fate which some say could be worse than any warp core breech.

As with any battle, casualties happen. Unfortunately, Ensign Lefty’s life, as we know it, was lost. Luckily, using cloning and transporter-buffer technology, we were able to replicate her and we now welcome Ensign Daffy to the crew.

The next day, we all woke early and took a low-speed shuttle to Atlantic City for SailExpo2004, the smallest SailExpo to date. Equipment was purchased and seminars were attended. I was especially proud of the crew’s interest in North U.’s Upwind and Downwind Tactics and pleasantly surprised at their interest in celestial navigation. I suppose they do realize that they serve on a starship.

During that seminar, I went to visit North downstairs and compared new spinnaker cloth materials. In no time, I decided to purchase a new three-quarter ounce chute which should be in our hands late March. The sailmaker did point out that is was the heavier of the two choices, but I reminded him that it’s OK, because I’ll be over $2000 lighter.

After the show, we joined other club members for dinner at The Atlantic City Bar and Grill. Included were commanders and crew from the USS Excalibur, USS Watercolour, USS Eagle and USS Exuberance (without MarTune, who seemingly would rather play with himself in his darkroom then spend time with his main squeeze.) The food was good and I won’t go public as to how cute the waitress was, but I do believe at one point I heard Richard say, “Marcy who?”

Afterwards, we were too tired to gamble and headed back to Starbase Two, where Patty decided to explain domestic Canadian law in relation to how much she would charge if she was a hooker – admitting that she couldn’t charge all that much because of lack of skill. Suddenly, the reasons behind Martin’s darkroom choice was clear.

Despite being a disappointing boat show, the weekend was a blast. It was really great to get away and spend time with such amazing people. Commander Richard said it best on Sunday morning as we were getting ready to go; “We really have a great crew.”