Captain’s Log: Stardate 10457.5
Last night was quite the adventure, with enough fast-paced action and thrills that it could have easily become an odd-numbered movie (that’s an inside joke to Trek fans.)

It started earlier in the day with numerous emails. Ensign Jane (formerly Yejide) was moving, Crewman Mike was working, Lt. Patty had to meet a deadline after doing someone else’s work (we’ll get to that) and Lt. Kurt’s family was either sick, broken, or, even worse, in France. Ensign Lefty’s still afraid of Mitch’s sushi, Crewman Roman was, well, Roamin’, Commander Jory’s still in school and Ensign Hilde is still on vacation, taking a much-needed break from her, um, break.

But Lt. Patty, understanding that racing has nothing to do with work, did come out to race with the understanding that she would be going back to work afterwards. It seems that she was trying to meet her own deadlines after meeting someone else’s deadlines. This chain of events put her in mood that can best be described as “pissy” (she did use the head several times last night.)

And Lt. Kurt’s conversation with is wife went something like this:
Kurt: “Hi, hon. How are the kids?”
Diana: “They’re taking a nap.”
Kurt: “Good. It’s Wednesday you know.”
Diana: “Kurt, I have a dislocated shoulder, my mother has a broken finger, the babysitter’s in school, your parents are in France and both of our children are sick. If you really want to go racing –“
[click]
Kurt was on the Enterprise in a half hour.

So with most of the crew on board, we went to the start line and tried to get something going in the dying breeze. How fast was the breeze dying? A red-shirt would have more screen time (OK. Another inside joke.)

Frustrated with the fact that the Gay Klingons would have a better start than us, Commander Richard maneuvered the Enterprise so that we’d collide with them. We did our turns, went to the left side of the course and ended up 40 boat lengths ahead of the fleet (I’m still trying to figure that one out.) The wind clocked down to nothing and that was it – a large grouping of boats from two divisions all trying to get around the first mark.

With no Warp drive and no sign of any speed in the near future, we engaged the impulse engines and headed home for an hour or so of sitting at the mooring eating sushi, Budweiser and Cheez Doodles (hereafter to be referred to as The Breakfast of Champions.)

The night ended with a distress call from USS Exuberance whose impulse drive was inoperative and they were hopelessly adrift off of City Island. Their navigator calculated that at their present speed, they would reach their mooring sometime in the late 24th Century. As required by the Starfleet Charter, we came to the rescue, receiving a bottle of champagne for the service. 

   


Captain’s Log: Stardate 10455.6
“There he is,” said Captain Norm of the USS Tolo.
“Who?” I asked.
“The guy from Surcease.”
“Kevin,” I replied. “Yep.”
“Let’s go up to him and kick him in the balls or something.”
 
What has happened to the gentlemen’s sport of yacht racing? Out of the blue, Captain Norm, who won last night’s race, who is one of the nicest and easiest-going guys you could know, and who is engaged to a woman who can suck the head of a crawfish (I know that was in a previous log entry,  but it was too good a line not to mention twice) now wanted to go up to a competitor and use his foot in a swinging motion to perform testicular eradication.
 
And for a brief moment, I considered it.
 
After all, Surcease did beat us again even though upon finishing we could not see her past the curvature of the Earth. The boat has a rating that is a gift from not only God and the Devil, but it looks like K’ahless may have chipped in as well.
 
So, as Lt. Kurt would say, let’s look at this logically. What would be the outcome of sending the Captain of Surcease’s balls into the stratosphere? 1: Theoretically, the boat would still be able to race without him and as long as they are in the same solar system, they will correct over the fleet.  2: Without balls, the boat would be even lighter. 3: If the boat doesn’t race anymore, what would happen to the certain Enterprise crewmen that lust after their bow girl? What would happen to morale? And 4: Could one’s sneakers ever really be clean enough to wear again after making contact with another man’s “boys”?
 
Needless to say, Kevin is not singing soprano this morning.  We, as competitors, should always keep in mind that this is a gentlemen’s sport -- that we should always try to treat each participant with kindness. We should respect each other and perpetuate the camaraderie amongst yacht racers. We should always be shaking hands, buying drinks and sharing our experiences on the water. Kevin is a good guy.
 
It’s the boat. We must find a way to sink the boat. 
  

Captain’s Log: Supplemental
Jerry Goldsmith, the legendary composer whose diverse, long, and prolific career included some of the most famous themes of the last fifty years, died in his sleep Wednesday night in Beverly Hills, after a long battle with cancer. He was 75.

Mr. Goldsmith not only wrote the theme music for movies and television shows such as The Man From U.N.C.L.E., Our Man Flint, The Planet of the Apes, Patton, The Omen, Logan’s Run, Alien and First Blood, he also composed the theme music to the television series Star Trek: Voyager and Star Trek: The Next Generation as well as for the films Star Trek: The Motion Picture, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Star Trek VIII: First Contact, Star Trek IX: Insurrection and Star Trek X: Nemesis.

May he rest in peace and his music live on forever. 
  


Captain’s Log: Stardate 10451.8
We were expecting the worst. All indications, which included an email from now-Starfleet Meteorologist Lefty, was that winds were going to be light and we were going to have passing thunderstorms. Ensign Yej, being only her second time on board and having just returned from a two-week excursion to Planet Canada, was especially worried about the thunderstorms. Luckily, Lt. Mitch and I were there to calm her by telling her that if things get crazy, to go down below and hold on to the vertical post in the middle of the cabin.

But no thunderstorms came and the wind was close to perfect – enough to keep things moving fast, but not enough to start considering sail changes.

The course was set and with two projected spinnaker sets, we kept thinking how nice it would be if Jory and Hilde had come. Nevertheless, with Crewman Ramon and Crewman Mike, we pressed forward.

Starting in fourth place, we passed the entire fleet upwind and rounded the first mark. Thanks to the exceptional work of the spinnaker team, our set was flawless. We dropped the chute early (seeing as we had several new people on board) and lost some placement at the second mark. Ensign Yej was especially talented during the take-down – surefooted and walking around the deck like a pro. If only there was always a deck present where she was walking…

The second upwind leg had us keeping clear of the favored right side of the course and we lost some more ground, but made up for it during some high-speed maneuvers through a passing spinnaker fleet. Things were going well, but then the red alert system enabled –

Eagle was close by.

Most captains at this point would start their motor, drop out of the race and warp as far away from Eagle as possible. But not us. Risk is our business.

Eagle’s proximity may have put New York City at high terror alert.

I think this was the point where Dave put on his life jacket.

Rounding near SUNY Maritime (which I now hear was evacuated) and just off the Throgs Neck Bridge (which I now hear was closed), which isn’t far from LaGuardia Airport (three-hour flight delays – that one is true, by the way) we had, though I could have sworn it impossible before hand, an even better spinnaker set.

We cruised at Warp 7.2 to the finish line, crossing second and corrected into fifth. The last boat to finish, yet correcting over the entire fleet was Surcease – leading the other captains in the fleet to start plotting the demise of her, which could include willful direct collisions. So, until next week, we’ll be reinforcing the bow with steel and I’ll look into registering SinkSurcease.com.


Captain’s Log: Stardate 10451.2
Happy Birthday, America! Once again, though far less organized by the club this time around, we spent Independence Day on board the Enterprise, starting off with an extremely pleasant sail to Hempstead Harbor, dinner while rafting up with USS Tolo and another spectacular fireworks display locally and around the Sound.

On board were Commanders Dave and Jory, who were both a tremendous help during the sail, the raft-up procedure and in the consumption of macaroni salad. Also on board, for his first time, was Crewman Scotty, who seemed to thoroughly enjoy inspecting the ship several times over, taking a nap, eating other people’s food and, finally, marking his territory on the port side of the ship.

In tow was Galileo, our shuttlecraft, which Dave took for a short cruise in the mooring field. It was clear that Dave’s skills on the water have improved over the years – but a bigger shuttlecraft may be in order for the future. Galileo seemed more tipsy than Ted Kennedy at a wine tasting party.

Lt. Patty decided to ditch the Enterprise and be transported aboard the USS Rubiyat for a short pleasure cruise to Little Captain’s Island. At one point she did ask Dave to pick her up in Galileo, but Dave decided against it, claiming that he didn’t want to attempt a dockside landing during the increasing breeze. We think it was because he didn’t want to hear “I got it!” and then see Galileo’s sail dropped during a key moment.

Many thanks go to Captain Norm, and the rest of the Tolosians on board the Tolo, for the use of their anchor and their meat lasagna. It was a pleasure meeting Captain Norm’s friends and his fiancé from New Orleans, whom Norm proudly exclaimed “You should see her suck the head of a crawfish!” It must be love.


Captain’s Log: Supplemental
Also during the holiday weekend, I went to see Spider-Man 2 and Michael Moore’s new documentary Fahrenheit 9/11. Fahrenheit was troubling, sickening, heart-wrenching, thought-provoking and left you with nothing but contempt for the current executive branch of the United States government. It’s a film that makes you angry and drives you to get involved. It’s a film that opens your eyes to the use of fear and the real power of big business. It’s a film that makes you question your leaders’ priorities and goals. So, that being said…

See Spider-Man 2.


Captain’s Log: Stardate 10949.9
It was a beautiful night on the water. Upon arriving onto the Enterprise, winds were out of the South at about 5-10. This was going to be our night. The bottom was clean. These were our conditions. And, Lt. Patty chose to work instead of racing so we knew our jib wasn’t going to suddenly drop during key moments.

After performing the needed repairs to the Main before the start, the wind shifted 180 degrees, to the North, and built to 15. The race committee scrambled to the other side to set up for a northerly race – but something was wrong. This wasn’t normal.

And we were right. The passing cell to the North moved through and completely stalled what should have been a Southerly. Once the cell was gone, winds died down to under 3 and eventually nothing at all. Had we started, 60 or so vessels would have been floundering in mid channel with nowhere to go.

Race canceled.

What an unfortunate way to say farewell to Commander Jory and Ensign Hilde, who will both be leaving us for the month of July and a part of August to handle personal matters. Filling in during their absence, Crewman Ramon (a friend of Captain Steinberg on the USS Rubiyat) and Ensign Bill (formerly of another starship) will be coming on board.

Speaking of absence, Ensign Lefty was nowhere to be found for the second week in a row and word has it that she’s resigning her Starfleet commission because her head and her heart just aren’t into it this year (but what about her other body parts?) We wish her well and will always welcome her back – as long as she brings the silver pants.

Finally, Starfleet has commissioned yet another USS Eagle (NCC-222) under the command of Captain Bivona. This Eagle is faster and bigger than the previous Eagles, which may be a sign that Starfleet believes that if a ship is bigger and faster then whatever it hits (rocks, other ships, islands) would tend to break instead.