Captain’s Log: Stardate 10455.6
“There he is,” said Captain Norm of the USS Tolo.
“Who?” I asked.
“The guy from Surcease.”
“Kevin,” I replied. “Yep.”
“Let’s go up to him and kick him in the balls or something.”
 
What has happened to the gentlemen’s sport of yacht racing? Out of the blue, Captain Norm, who won last night’s race, who is one of the nicest and easiest-going guys you could know, and who is engaged to a woman who can suck the head of a crawfish (I know that was in a previous log entry,  but it was too good a line not to mention twice) now wanted to go up to a competitor and use his foot in a swinging motion to perform testicular eradication.
 
And for a brief moment, I considered it.
 
After all, Surcease did beat us again even though upon finishing we could not see her past the curvature of the Earth. The boat has a rating that is a gift from not only God and the Devil, but it looks like K’ahless may have chipped in as well.
 
So, as Lt. Kurt would say, let’s look at this logically. What would be the outcome of sending the Captain of Surcease’s balls into the stratosphere? 1: Theoretically, the boat would still be able to race without him and as long as they are in the same solar system, they will correct over the fleet.  2: Without balls, the boat would be even lighter. 3: If the boat doesn’t race anymore, what would happen to the certain Enterprise crewmen that lust after their bow girl? What would happen to morale? And 4: Could one’s sneakers ever really be clean enough to wear again after making contact with another man’s “boys”?
 
Needless to say, Kevin is not singing soprano this morning.  We, as competitors, should always keep in mind that this is a gentlemen’s sport -- that we should always try to treat each participant with kindness. We should respect each other and perpetuate the camaraderie amongst yacht racers. We should always be shaking hands, buying drinks and sharing our experiences on the water. Kevin is a good guy.
 
It’s the boat. We must find a way to sink the boat.