Captain’s Log: Stardate 10649.3
“Damn Edd, was that you on foredeck last night?” asked Paul, the Captain of Andiamo, seemingly amazed at the prospect of it all.

“Yeah, that was me.”

He laughed. “Were you the one doing all that yelling? What was all that about?”

OK. That was me too. And apparently, I could be heard from midtown Manhattan to Northport Harbor. Tangled lines, lazy guys that were never lazy, and a jibe that would limit my ability to count to ten made for a frustrating event on the foredeck.

And then a takedown that went so badly, no writing here could do it justice. Let’s just say someone mistook “blow the sheet” for “ease it 15 feet and then hold on tight.” As my feet were lifting off the deck, I realized I may be the first starship captain to be launched into space at Warp 1 without a starship.

It was a bold attempt by the crew to make me believe that they had no clue what they were doing back there. But, I’m smarter than that.

Clearly, Commander Dave, knowing I’d be the only one left on board that could possibly do foredeck, had a discussion with the crew before leaving on vacation, giving them precise instructions on what to ease and what not to. Instructions that included things like “the downhaul is optional – the person on foredeck can hold the pole down if needed” and “don’t wait for any signal before hauling in the new guy tight during a jibe.” Dave wanted to make sure that his talents on foredeck were to be appreciated throughout time.

I almost bought into it, but knew something was up when Richard, at the helm, was focusing his gaze on a knot in the jib sheets instead of the fleet of J-24’s crossing tacks with us.

That, plus I could swear I heard a discussion back in the cockpit along the lines of “does a person really need all ten fingers?” and “If the chute can propel a 18,000-pound boat through the water, what can it do to a 260-pound man?”

Nice try everyone. I’ll deal with Dave when he gets back.

He better get back soon.