Captain’s Log: Stardate 10696.7
Tomorrow marks an important date in Starfleet history.

The year was 1941. The Earth had just cooled, and life was beginning to flourish out of the primordial soup that covered 75% of the planet. One such life was none other than our very own Commander Richard, my father.

Tomorrow, Richard turns 65, and so marks the beginning of many changes for us on board the Enterprise:

1. Wheelchair ramps will have to be installed so Richard’s walker can make it from the foredeck to the cockpit.

2. All crew under the age of 45 will be referred to as “young whippersnappers” and any technology purchased after 1980 will be referred to as “newfangled”.

3. Dr. David Asprinio, a Westchester County-based hip replacement surgeon, will now be on everyone’s speed-dial.

4. Prior to each jibe, Richard will be asked if his will is in order.

5. We will need to invent a hearing aid that runs off of 12V ship’s power.

6. Sailing Instructions will now be printed in 24-point bold text.

7. Sailing-related injuries not covered by Medicare.

8. If needed, the Tribble on board can double as a hairpiece.

Happy Birthday, Dad. From the crew of the Enterprise. May you boldly go for years to come.