Captain's Log: Stardate 10757.8
Having just packed up the life raft for shipment back to Ithaca, absolutely pleased that it didn't have to become the Enterprise-C, I find myself looking back at the past several days with pride for the performance of the Enterprise crew during the Around Long Island Regatta. And even though conditions for this year's trek around were as close to perfect as one could imagine (1-3 foot waves, no storms, no seasickness,) I can tell that even if moments of adverse conditions attacked, this crew could handle it as well as, if not better than, any other ship out there.

We reached the starting area with a couple of hours to spare, and as we circled the area waiting for the blank-head committee (fill in the blank with whatever you like – bone, dick, or moose) I joined in a work-related conference call from the bow – something I highly recommend for anyone in business. I did, however, need to explain to the participants where I was and what I was doing, which gave me an opportunity to explain to them the two things I learn from doing this race:

1. Why they named it "Long Island" and 2. Maybe I should take up golf.

Still, I think my professionalism came into question when after I was told there was too much wind coming through the phone, I replied "Isn't that great?!"

Call over, we prepared for the start. The pin was heavily favored (see reference above to blank-head committee) and we timed it out perfectly. And, just for the fun of it, we forced a competitor over the line early – now he'll have to deal with a lost 30-40 seconds on this 190-mile race.

We shot down the ocean from the start like, as one person said on the telephone this morning, a "rocket."

Sorry. At 7.5 steady, sails trimmed perfectly, "rocket" doesn't quite cover it. Next time, try "starship!"

Winds did change and we were faced with some challenges, especially trying to get around Montauk on anything more than current, but the crew handled the shifts and velocity changes with true expertise. And when we flew past The Gut at Warp 9.2, it was hard to imagine anything could possibly go wrong.

But, like with any long-distance race, there are always a few things. First, there was a concern over the possibility of a crewperson having problems hearing, but, that paled to the problem we had with a couple of other crew members having problems listening.

And, apparently Lt. Jonathan had a moment of crisis in the head when he couldn't get a Biscotti out of the sink – but, as he later explained, it wasn't exactly a biscotti, and it wasn't really in the sink. Getting a lot of fiber there, Jonathan?

And, we almost had a mutiny on our hands when Captain Dave and Yeoman Brittany discovered that in order to fit enough water, Gatorade, juice, milk and soda on board, the beer had to go.

And, finally, impulse power went offline when the belt snapped and there was no replacement in sight. We went into power-saving mode and it all worked out anyway.

With everyone on deck over 40 hours after our start, the Enterprise cruised at high-warp to the finish line. With only seconds to go, we saw a man on the RC boat waving his arms and jumping for joy. We wondered if he did this for everybody or if he was just some sort of freak Star Trek fan, but we tiredly waved back anyway. Then, to our surprise, he grabbed the rifle and pointed to the sky. Boom! Wow! First to finish in our division! And, even though we corrected into third place (losing second by five minutes) this was a true victory for us on many levels – a victory that belongs to a crew that have proven themselves time and time again that they belong on the Federation’s Flagship. We basked in the glory as we sailed the Enterprise home.

And, for the first time in my several years of competing in this event, I did not say "I am never doing this fucking race again." I'm not sure if it'll be 2008, but we will be going back.


Captain's Log: Stardate 10754.8
As I write this log entry, a team of writers in California are working with producer/director J.J. Abrams to try and piece together the next Star Trek film, reportedly set in the earlier days of Kirk and Spock (rumors are out there stating that they are in talks with Zachary Quinto – best known as the villain Sylar on NBC's "Heroes" - to play the role of Spock.)

But, after last night and this morning, I can save them a heap of time and energy. Tons of drama, complete with moments of hopelessness followed by ultimate victory, can all be found in my version, tentatively titled "Star Trek XI: The Quest for Hydraulic Oil".

The story is simple: The Enterprise is needed for a deep-space mission, we’ll call it the Around the Alpha Quadrant Regatta, and as they are prepping the ship for departure, there is something wrong with the warp drive. Scotty does a complete check of the system and discovers the hydraulics for the anti-matter injectors are offline because they are out of oil. Insert here a warning about the dependency of oil, dealing with the big oil companies and the use of plastic in such systems that can break-down the oil and how it all contributed to the early 21st-Century crisis of global warming. We always prefer if there a "message" in a movie or episode that we can learn from.

Captain Kirk then goes through the entire ship’s library, where some of the data is in a state of decay, to find which oil is exactly the right one to use. Once he finds it, he conducts a search through all known sources to find a replacement canister, but can only find sizes that would be suitable for starbases – much too big for starship use. He vents his frustration to McCoy, who only states "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not an oil salesman."

Sulu finds the answer – just the right size. But, the supplier won’t deliver to the Enterprise directly. They only do "wholesale", the concept of which can’t be explained logically, and therefore has Spock attempting to determine why it even exists.

Thankfully, Sulu had an old account with the big oil company and used it to secure the oil for the ship, almost singlehandedly saving the Enterprise so she can complete her mission. The crew owes their lives to Sulu and Kirk owes him $25 to cover the oil, tax, shipping and handling.

Two hours, easy.

The End. Roll credits. Hint at a sequel: "Star Trek XII: The Vengeance of Batten Hardware and Mast Cars".