Captain's Log: Stardate 10860.9
Report from the Volvo Rolex Montauk Worlds Regatta

The Enterprise is now safely home after a grueling weekend of racing in the Volvo Rolex Montauk Worlds Regatta, an invitational series where crews and boats are selected from all over the world to compete. And, I'm proud to say all went well and our second place trophy is on the way (we were badly beaten by a ship called "Reliant", but something tells me we'll get them the next go-around.)

As exciting as the race was, it's almost like the entire crew was affected by a atmospheric multi-phasic therelon-based anomaly and we are left with no recollection about the actual race or even the voyages to Montauk and back from City Island. In fact, after checking the ship's sensors, it's almost like the Enterprise never left at all. Very strange indeed.

But, the pre- and post-race events are still very clear to us. It started on Thursday night, where the crew dined on a fabulous seafood meal and then walked to the beach for a sponsor-related concert by a band with the longest name ever existed. I think it was something like "Cats Sliding Downwards with No Traction Whatsoever on a Smooth Roof-type Surface Then Falling Into Oncoming Traffic and Getting Their Claws Stuck in the Grille of a 1978 Oldsmobile."

Lt. Jonathan, clearly very shy and displaying a general distaste for any form of rock n' roll music was forced up on stage against his will:

The following day, again, after a busy day of racing which we have no recollection of, the crew headed back to the beach to practice some of their downwind sail handling by flying kites. Suddenly all of our troubles downwind made sense to me.

But, the most disturbing element of the evening was when Commander Richard and Lt. Jonathan, after losing control of one of their kites, decided to attach it to a piece of driftwood and send it out to sea:

The kite, and the attached driftwood, went across the Atlantic in record time, crossed the Southern tip of Africa by the next morning, made a brief appearance in the Opening Ceremony of the Beijing 2008 Olympics and was last reported causing engine failure to Oceanic Flight 815 somewhere in the Pacific and all surviving passengers are on some uncharted island owned by the Dharma Initiative.

The next day started with a short wind-less voyage on board the previous Enterprise, currently decommissioned out of Starfleet and renamed to Runty Kid II. Then, in the afternoon, Lt. Jonathan was given his fist command of a Scout-Class vessel, the USS Snark:

We assume the mission went well, but then again, it's not often that you see a crew return from a mission carrying the ship over their heads:

The evening ended with a private performance by the latest musical sensation to ever hit the scene. Never once featured on American Idol and far too lacking in talent to ever appear on America's Got Talent (and that's saying a lot since they have David Haselhoff as a judge,) the Starship Enterprise is proud to introduce to you, long before their world tour to the hot spots like Ennis, Montana; Hickory Ridge, Arkansas and Mahwah, New Jersey; give it up for the one, the only, often imitated but never duplicated, rock-em sock-em until you drop-em, Jonny Flaks and the Off-Tones.

Two performances are available on YouTube by searching for "Jonny Flaks and the Off Tones." The web hits are off the roof and comments are rolling in like "Dad keep your day job."

Requests for Jonny Flaks and the Off Tones for private parties, weddings and appearances can be made through Enterprise Entertainment Group LLC at 1-800-OFF-TONE.

Back home again, we are amazed at how great a trip it has been and how much fun it was being with friends for a long getaway.

But, even more amazing was how much Montauk resembles Sea Bright, NJ.