Captain's Log: Stardate 10908.5
Last evening, Lt. Ellen and I were fortunate enough to be invited to witness the Bar Mitzvah of Lt. Jonathan's son, Nathan Flaks, at the Chapel in the Woods at the Kol Ami Temple in frigid White Plains.

One thing was for sure, this was not your father's Bar Mitzvah. There were keyboards, guitars, a reportedly gay rabbi and a cantor that looked like he was auditioning for American Idol.

Nathan (apparently named after a hot dog) did a great job during the service, which included a performance of a piano solo the he wrote after a few moments of quiet prayer.

Things were so lively, far different from any service I attended as a child. And it was probably because of that, that I took an interest in the prayerbook that was given to each attendee. Flipping through the pages, I was shocked to see the following passage:

"Baruch atah Adonai Elohenu melech ha'olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav vetzivanu l'hadlik ner shel Shabbat."

Which, in Hebrew, means, "Blessed are you, Eternal our God, Sovereign of the universe, who has sanctified us by your commandments and instructed us to kindle the Sabbath lights."

But the surprising part was that in Klingon it also means, "Be warned, captain, our disruptors are locked on your bridge. We instruct you: No tricks. Prepare to surrender."

The event concluded with a walk across the frozen tundra (also known as the parking lot) for a reception and dinner featuring a magician with card tricks, an Italian/Asian fusion of food choices and a disc jockey whose record collection consisted of no music prior to 2007.

Right before dinner, however, we did see Lt. Jonathan go into the dining room with another man wearing a yellow tie. My new Apple iPhone communicator was able to grab this sensor image:



Jonathan swore, repeatedly, that it was his chiropractor doing an adjustment. Um, OK.

We all sat for dinner where young Nathan took a good 45 minutes calling up each member of his family and friends to light a candle. The most interesting, I believe it was candle number 593, was for his brother Ray (apparently named after a pizza). You see, when each person or couple was called up, the disc jockey would play specialized music for them. But, when Ray stepped up, we heard Ozzy Osbourne yell out "All Aboard!" followed by the signature baseline of "Crazy Train." Which, of course, led me to wonder, can you really play music by Black Sabbath in a synagogue?Fortunately, the universe did not collapse onto itself.

Sitting next to me was Dennis, Jonathan's diving buddy who takes him on these excursions to Aruba and other locales sans wife and kids. For the benefit of the married men on the crew, I questioned, maybe more like interrogated, Dennis on how he is able to leave his wife for a week at a time and go to places like Aruba. And, how he was able to get Jonathan to do the same. Dennis, unfortunately, reported that he has been married for over 35 years and that his wife practically pushes him out the door. Sorry guys, no help there.

Preparations are now under way for the Starship Super Bowl Spectacular, kicking off in, yikes, just six hours from now. I better run...