Kaptain's Log: Stardate 11163.0
With Kenny working, Alex stuck in NYC without a ride, Emily still on vacation and my father frustrated that his iPhone won't download porn during his flight to Newark from Sante Fe, the Enterprise Krew gathered for Race 12 of the EBYRA Wednesday Night Race Series. Filling in was a guest crewmwmber from Dave's Kayaking club, John. The winds were steady out of the South, but all weather forecast models were calling for a substantial decrease after the sun sets (sunset time was 22 minutes after our start, by the way.) But hey, what the hell. Eben decided to cook up another long Kourse.

And, as predicted, the wind got light. Still, thanks to the work of the team, we configured the sails and centerboard, we pushed hard to keep our place on the first leg, then had a perfect spinnaker set, followed by a textbook jibe and take down.

On the next windward leg, conditions were so nice and so perfect. The Enterprise was heeled at 10 degrees, traveling at Warp 5.7. As I heard the Krew remark at how great the sailing was, I fought the inner urge to bear off, set the chute and head towards Block Island.

But no, there was racing still be done. And, we put a great deal of distance between us and Glory Days -- and were catching up to the Terrorist. One more mark rounding, another set, another jibe and who Knows.

So there we were, approaching the Throgs NecK Bridge. The Kurrent extra strong. The pole up, the spinnaker set . . .

And we hit the marK. I'll let you guess which marK it was, but there are hints throughout this Kaptain's Log. Really SeKret tough hints.

We didn't smacK into it all that hard, but there was a good part of it left on the hull of the Enterprise. We took quite a few minutes to re-round the marK, and in my mind, I was half expecting the side of the ship to look like this:

We managed to stay ahead of Glory Days, but not enough to make up for corrected time.

Oh well, we finished fourth. But, without Richard on board, things were much quieter. The only challenge left for the night was Zoraida.

You see, coming out to the race, Lt. Zoraida left her purse, with basically her whole life in it, on the Bx29 bus.

Como se dice "Ditzy" en espanol?

I won't go into full details involving cryptic text messaging, phone calls to deaf roommates and late-night "Mission: Impossible"-esqe chase sequence through Pelham Park between a Honda Pilot and a City Island Bus, but after a phone call to a guy named Salerosa and a trek to the bus depot outside co-op city, I'm happy to report that the purse is back in the hands of its rightful owner -- iPod, cards and cash intact.

What adventures await next week? We shall see.....

Captain's Log: Stardate 11161.1
With a very strong West-Northwesterly moving through Eastchester Bay, the conditions were very favorable for the Enterprise, even with a limited crew on board with several key people missing from duty. We started in good position on our first no-tack leg to the "windward" mark, rounding first ahead of fleet. All we need to do is get the jibe-set right and we're golden.

So much for golden. Hence the reason this Captain's Log continues to be #1 on Google for "Spinnaker Clusterfuck."

The spinnaker pole was stuck on the mast and we were instantly passed by Forza and Upchucka. Captain Dave, Commander Richard and Lt. Zoraida were working as fast as they could to fix the situation -- and, thanks to the efforts of the team on the bridge, we kept the boat moving as fast as we could on the main and blanketed jib.

Forza and Upchucka were pulling away. But, thankfully, the team was able to get everything stabilized. The pole went up, the guy was fed, the halyard went up and the chute filled just as an 18-20 gust was coming through . . . Warp 8!

Then Warp 8.1, Warp 8.2, Warp 8.4 . . .

In no time at all, we were back in the race, closing FAST on the lead two boats and putting some distance on the one behind us. At the first leeward mark, we rounded in second, just behind Upchucka -- then we passed them on the next upwind leg, thanks to the great work by the bridge team, including our guest grinder from Lima, OH; Gregg Delman. For those of you who don't know where Lima is, it's one of those dots in between New York and California. Actually, on most maps, they don't even get a dot. Basically, go to Toledo and head south until you've lost all your hopes and dreams. Then go a few miles further.

We rounded the next windward mark in second again, just behind Forza who was attempting to engage their cloaking device by not using their mast light or stern light. Our second jibe-set was textbook and the Enterprise took off again at high warp past French Fry Point at the tip of City Island.

Another great take-down and final upwind leg -- and the Enterprise crossed the line in second, correcting into third for the night. And, despite the troubles we experienced on the first chute set, this was, by far, our most fun and satisfying race of the season. The crew was a little out of their comfort zone, the winds clocked up at times and the great speeds made for an unforgettable evening.

The crew organized the deck as we headed back home under impulse drive. Commander Jory positioned himself on the foredeck near Lt. Zoraida to pick up the mooring and all was going well until we heard Zoraida scream that Jory was putting his, and I quote, "long stick between her legs."

Hey. She's single. He's single. It's been six years. What took him so long?

Once back ashore, in an effort to get served food sometime before the 24th Century, we decided to skip the club and head straight to Johnnie's Reef Restaurant on French Fry Point for dinner. It was absolutely delicious, but the crew had enough fried shrimp, fried clams, fried chicken, fried squid and fries to qualify as test subjects for the next pharmaceutical trials for Maximum-Strength Plavix.