Stardate 11366.0

Captain's Log: Stardate 11366.0
Yesterday morning started with a phone call from Glenn Vitaglione, the Commodore of the Morris Yacht and Beach Club. Glenn filled me in on things I already knew through the grapevine, and then, without any kind of pause, he asked me if I wanted to be the club's alternate representative to EBYRA - the Eastchester Bay Yacht Racing Association.

For those of you who don't know, and I doubt there are many of you, for the past almost 20 years I had been an EBYRA board member, starting as an alternate representative for CIYC, then the primary, and then, for a loooooong 13 years ending last December, I was the Commodore of EBYRA.

For 13 years I dealt with bitching racers, committee boat troubles, pontifications and screaming fights at board meetings, holier-than-thou individuals who rather whine than lend a helping hand, dinner planning, meeting planning, awards purchases, scoring issues, and more. And, oh yeah, the now-famous J/24 Jihad.

Do I want back in? Well, it reminded me of an old song I like, and I've changed the lyrics a bit to show how I really feel. So, with all due respect to Mr. "Weird" Al Yankovic, I submit this to you, Commodore John and reps Vince, Richie, Tony and Lisa:

Well I heard that Pritz was leavin' (leavin')
Gonna leave us far behind (so far behind)
'Cause he found a brand new yacht club
And decided that we're not his kind (aahh..)

So I pulled (I pulled) his name out (name out) of the website (oohh..)
And I tore all his pictures in two
And I untied Prevail's mooring where he used to go
Just because it reminds me of you (dippity dippity doo)

That's right (that's right) you ain't gonna see me cryin'
I'm glad (I'm glad) that he found someplace new
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass
Than join the EBYRA Board with you

I guess I might seem kinda bitter
It all has got me feeling down in the dumps
'Cause we're out there each week on the starting line
And the racing totally sucks!

Oh, so board members, I'll still help you with that website
I'll even (I'll even) help with a budget or two
'Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
Than join the EBYRA Board with you

I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than be in a meeting with you woman and men
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door (yah)
Again and again and again and again and again

Oh, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, Board Members...

I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches (leeches)
Shove an icepick under a toenail or two
I'd rather clean all the bathroom in Grand Central Station with my tongue
Than join the EBYRA Board with you

Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades
Than join the EBYRA Board with you

I'd rather rip my heart out of my ribcage with my bare hands
and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it 'till I die
Than join the EBYRA Board with you

Here's the original song, so you too can sing along:

So yeah, I said no. I hear they're going to ask Mr. Tap Toe himself, Gregg Manjorin, next. May God have mercy on your soul. As for last night's race, all I can say is the engine works fine. There was not much breeze at all and some people on board were worried about the possibility of rain. Yes, RAIN. Water droplets coming from the sky. Oh no! I know I've said this before, but it's always worth repeating: NOBODY --NOBODY-- HAS EVER --EVER-- DIED FROM GETTING RAINED ON. This is why we own foul weather gear. This is what makes us better than those wimpy major-league baseball players. We race in rain.

I can see the enthusiasm winding down, as it usually does with only two races left in the season. It's not just us too. Less than half of the fleet showed up last night. Maybe it's a sign of the times. Maybe EBYRA has lost its luster. Maybe racing on the whole is dying out due to increased costs, age and the corruption of local PHRF boards.

We'll just have to wait and see.....